pH Balance

38. I am become death

Part I | Part II | Part III | Part IV

B Side

December 11, 20—

The figure in Black reached under the podium and picked up an old velvet bag. When he stuck his hand in, I heard clacking, like the sound of pool balls hitting each other. Black took out a large, light pink marble from the bag. At once, everyone shifted their gaze to a man dressed in a Baby Pink suit. He wore white loafers and a crisp dress shirt open at the collar. The man nodded his head at Black and headed towards the stage. Nobody in the room made a sound. Someone must’ve turned off the music because I could only hear two things: the fireplace and my own heavy breathing.

Black handed Pink the velvet bag and reached under the podium again. This time, he brought out two marbles: plum and mustard yellow. He added them to the bag before putting it away. 

I didn’t know it then, but that was my official initiation into the Order of the Raven.

Black then took out a bottle of red wine and poured a good amount into two ancient-looking goblets. He took out a small, suspicious-looking vial and added its contents to only one glass. And for his final trick, Black slit open his palm with a comically large knife, dripping his blood into both glasses.

I should’ve been terrified. I should’ve been sweating, mid-panic attack, and unable to hold myself together. But I think my body went through so much that evening it was hard to do anything at all. The most my brain could handle was dissociating from reality to watch the events on stage like a movie.

Then, a strong, feminine voice came from the figure in black. She (my bad) grabbed the wineglass spiked with the mystery solution, raised it to the crowd of partygoers and said:

“Make the tale live for us in all its many bearings, O Muses.”

In unison, the crowd repeated her words (I just mumbled along). Black then drank the contents of the glass. While all this was happening, Pink brought an antique-looking wood chair to the stage. Black took a seat while Pink sipped from the other glass. Then, he stepped in the crowd and handed the wine to a woman in lavender. She took a sip and passed it on.

When the glass came to me, I pretended to take a sip and gave it to a woman in gray. After everyone had a sip, someone handed the glass back to Pink. He motioned for Lavender to join him on stage and together, they carried Black’s body, in the chair, offstage. The library doors swung open and they exited—we all followed, silently into the Black night.

Wordlessly, we went our separate ways. It would take me awhile to make sense of what happened, but for now—

“Kai?”

Kai slammed Haruki’s diary shut and hid it back in its “secret” location: a hollowed-out hardcover of The Great Gatsby. 

“Hi Dave,” Kai stammered. “How are you?”

“I’m okay considering the circumstances,” Dave replied, stepping through the doorway. His eyes were baggy and dull, his face haggard. In the past three weeks, it looked like he aged ten years. “Watcha reading?”

“Gatsby. For school.” She tossed the book on her older brother’s bed.

“A classic,” Dave looked like he was about to say something. The look on his face made it seem like was searching for the right words, “Listen,” he finally said. “We both lost someone important to us. We were never really close, but…”

“Yeah, I miss him. I know you do too.” Kai tried her best to keep her voice from breaking. Every time someone tried to talk to her about Haruki’s death, she could last all of thirty seconds without her anger taking control. How could she not be this frustrated when Haruki’s death was an intentional act sponsored by some sort of death cult? He was on top of the world. And they killed him. Dave cleared his throat, clearing the foggy rage clouding Kai’s thoughts.

“Your parents wanted me to say something at the funeral next week,” he said, “I hope that’s okay with you.”

“Yeah, that’s um… I know he loved you. I want you up there with us.” 

“I’ll leave you alone, but if you wanna talk about it, I’m here.”

“Thanks, Dave.” she meant it. “I’m just—I’m just so angry. And I need to be alone for awhile. To get over it before the funeral.”

“I get it—about the anger,” Dave nodded. “Nothing about this was fair.” Kai nodded back. They shared another glance, and Dave thumped down the stairs. Kai heard him talking to Mr. Sato in the kitchen and reached back over to grab the diary. 

Like all younger siblings, Kai was a snoop. She learned years ago that Haruki hid his diaries in hollowed-out books. Books like 1984 and The Lord of the Flies that would blend in a well-read high-schooler’s bookshelf. When Haruki was alive, Kai would read his diaries because her brother was an introvert and would never actually talk to his family about what was going on. 

When he left for college, his diaries went with him. After Haruki’s death, the Sato family packed up Haruki’s college apartment and stacked the boxes in his childhood bedroom. Kai rifled through the boxes, ready to resume her detective work to find some answers about the Order of the Raven. After finishing schoolwork and chores, Kai settled into a nightly routine of sitting in Haruki’s bedroom, throwing on some Reichenbach Falls, and reading his old diaries. 

Before the diaries, all she had to go off of was a photo of Haruki’s suicide note. The paper was embossed with the Order’s signature crest. It read, in Haruki’s handwriting, that he “Bequeaths his mind, body and soul to: Calliope, Clio, Erato, Euterpe, Melpomene, Polyhymnia, Terpsichore, Thalia, and Urania”

The diary changed everything.Kai didn’t expect Haruki to chronicle the practices of a secret society in such great detail. Especially considering that his diaries were hidden so poorly. While the initiation ceremony shocked Kai, what happened to Haruki after the masquerade was unbelievable: if Kai hadn’t actually witnessed it, she wouldn’t believe it.

The post-gala period was associated with the meteoric rise of Reichenbach Falls. Suddenly, everything fell into place for Haruki and his band. Their music went from good to phenomenal. They became the most popular band on campus, then in the city, then in the tri-state area. There were talks of record deals. They were viral on the internet. People recognized them in public. 

But it wasn’t just the band that changed: Haruki himself was divinely inspired, with a new epiphany every hour. His entries were incoherent scribbles, notes, song lyrics, and other ephemera noted in fits of inspiration. Some entries made it sound like someone other than Haruki was writing. In the middle of the manic scribbles, Haruki had some coherent, normal things to say about his daily life. It seems like he forgot about the Order entirely, except when he would chronicle a success and scribble a quick thanks to the Muses.

Haruki couldn’t push them out of his mind forever, though. A calling card came for Haruki next year bearing the crest of the Order of the Raven.

Kai read all about her brother’s second gala. A gala where a plum-colored marble was drawn at the podium. Haruki was to be Black in just his third year with the Order. 

Haruki, of course, knew what was coming to him. And so did Kai. But that didn’t prepare her for the despair, anxiety, and hopelessness of Haruki’s subsequent entries. She couldn’t read more than three paragraphs without her blood boiling. But she had to finish. She had to find out as much as she could about the Order.

Reading about Haruki acquiring the plague doctor’s mask and black cloak was the final straw. She couldn’t take it anymore. She knew what would happen to her big brother, and the hurt it precipitated. She slammed the diary shut and stowed it back on the shelf. She needed a break for a few days. Kai threw herself into helping her family with the funeral preparations. 

After the ceremony ended, Kai felt ready to read the final pages of Haruki’s diary. She went back to the bookshelf and perused the spines for The Great Gatsby. After overturning every volume in Haruki’s library, a sinking feeling began to grow in Kai’s stomach:

The Order of the Raven stole my brother’s diary.

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